I'd give it to him (eventually) but he'd have to earn it first.
Hmm. If I could get the classic male explanation (complete with props - salt & pepper shakers, vinegar bottles, beer bottles, etc) of the offside rule - just to listen to him, mind, not because I need the lesson (shh!) . . .
maybe I'd loan it to him. Temporarily. And only if I could be there while he had it. 24/7.
Yes, there is some potential there.
Now, I just need that lottery win!