LITTLE JOHNNY TALES.

[exbill]

With aploogies to the teachers , lecturers and anyone else who may be offended.

   A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'


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  Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny.. 'Giving up ? "

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   The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said,

'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'

  

[exbill]

  Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.'Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ?'

* * * * * * * * * * **********************************************************************************
 Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ..'

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[RnRPaintGrL]

  Thanx I had to read these aloud to the hubby. He enjoyed them too.

[Sylvene]

Haha... there are more where those came from, I'm sure.  I've read some of them.  :)  More, Exbill.  More!

[ladyblue]

 

[beanyfan]

This little Johnny is one smart ass kid XB!!

[Sable899]

It was story day in classs.  The teacher asked Little Johnny to tell a story about what he had done over the weekend.  He told a story about how he had taken his little rat terrier dog over to Farmer Brown's barn.  He was very proud of his little dog when it caught the biggest rat that he had ever seen in his life.  The teacher asked him to show how big the rat was and he quickly held his hands apart to show how long the rat was.  The teacher thanked him, thinking how lucky it was that he had actually told a story without any swear words or dirty bits.  But, before she could tell him to sit down, Little Johnny added, cupping his hands as if holding a baseball, "Yes, and it had balls this big."

[ladyblue]

 

[Sable899]

TO MAKE A CAKE by Little Johnnie's mum


Light oven; get out utensils. Remove  blocks and toys from table. Grease pan, crack nuts.
Measure 2 cups of flour, remove Johnny's hands from flour, wash flour off him; re-measure flour.
Put flour, baking powder and salt in sifter. Get dust pan and brush up pieces of bowl Johnny knocked on floor. Got another bowl. Answer doorbell.
Return to kitchen. Remove Johnny's hands from bowl. Answer doorbell.
Return to kitchen. Remove ¼ inch salt from greased pan. Look for Johnny. Grease another pan. Answer telephone.
Return to kitchen and find Johnny. Remove his hands from bowl. Take up greased pan and find layer of nut shells in it. Head for Johnny, who flees, knocking bowl off table.
Wash kitchen floor, table, walls, dishes. Call baker. Lie down.