'Legends' funny recaps

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The first article was posted before,but if they're making a regular thing of it after each episode I thought it deserved a new thread.


''Legends' Pilot Recap: TNT Tests Your Commitment To Watching Things Starring Sean Bean

QUESTION:
 Will you watch anything starring Sean Bean?

HYPOTHESIS:
 Yes, you will watch anything starring Sean Bean.

PROCEDURE:
 Watch the pilot episode of "Legends" starring Sean Bean.
PROCEDURE NOTES & OBSERVATIONS: •Audience familiarized with concept of domestic terror.
•Apropos of nothing, here is a militia.
•Sean Bean is wearing militia glasses and has hair that really wants to be a mullet but isn't.
•He's laughing too much... not sure if he's really a militia guy.
•Why do these militia men have no problem with Sean Bean's accent?
•Lead bad guy is the "Founding Father". (Note: Credits listed Zeljko Ivanek. It's probably him. He's never not the bad guy.)
•Sean Bean wants to "Blow some shit up." I've never been in a militia but that seems a little on the nose.
•SEAN BEAN IS GOING TO DIE IN THE FIRST TWO MINUTES.
•Why does that guy have a leather vest?
•SEAN BEAN DOES NOT DIE.
•Sean Bean's character is observed to have big balls.....
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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/14/legends-pilot-recap-a-test-of-your-commitment-to-sean-bean_n_5679181.html?utm_hp_ref=comedy&ir=Comedy


Legends' Episode 2 Recap: We're Gonna Need A Bigger Bottle Of Whiskey

•Previously on "Legends": Remember how you thought this would be a good use of your time simply because Sean Bean is in it?
•Our story begins in Bakersfield, CA... nothing good begins in Bakersfield, CA.
•Loving family in a car... they'll probably die soon.
•Kid is a smartass on a smartphone. No longer invested in whether this family lives or dies.
•Cops pull them over, they look high.
•Wait, that's not an American accent.
•They aren't high, they're Russians.
•Oh no, real cops! Run, real cops!
•Bang!
•Someone's dead and it isn't Sean Bean... again.
•Still not buyng that "legends" is a thing anyone ever used to refer to an alias before... too disappointed already to google it.
•Sean Bean is seeing a therapist.
•Sexual function: EXCEPTIONAL... hahaha, damn right... raising hand to high five Sean Bean.......
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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/21/legends-chemistry-recap_n_5697335.html

[moonflower]

Those are funny! 

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'Legends' Episode 3 Recap: It's All Fun & Games Until Someone Gets VX In Their Eye

•Already looking forward to the meeting between Sean Bean and this arms fella Khalid... should be a lot positive male energy.
•"I find a scratch, I'm taking your finger." Sean Bean's legend Dante is rude to valets.
•I like these parts of the show that are really just about Sean Bean looking cool in a suit.
•Super awesome arms "facilitator" Khalid is getting a massage, like, just in the middle of the pool area.
•Fun fact: Sean Bean greets everyone by pointing gun fingers at the back of their head and saying "bang."
•Wait, Khalid just gets up from his massage, where he's presumably naked under that towel, and hugs Sean Bean? This just got way more interesting.
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•Morning after sex with Sean Bean. She should be crying since it's over.
•Aww he made breakfast.
 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/28/legends-episode-3-recap_n_5728252.html?utm_hp_ref=comedy&ir=Comedy