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Love is in the effing air
There was only one moment on the lips of assorted hacks, hangers-on and execs at Tuesday night's RTS Television programme awards – and it wasn't the on-air remarks of Coronation Street's William Roache (Ken Barlow) hours beforehand. Nope, it was the show-stealing acceptance speech from Twenty Twelve star Jessica Hynes. "How can anybody judge Ruth Jones, Jack Whitehall, Jessica Hynes? How do you fucking judge that, I really don't know. By height?" started Hynes. So far, so unremarkable. Then Hynes turned to Jack Whitehall, who she beat to the comedy performance award: "No, I do like Jack, I do like Jack, but you are young and you are male. No, you are quite funny, you are quite funny. You got a long way fucking to go, a long way to go my friend. But yeah. Not bad. You're okay." By this point, Hynes had been on stage a good few minutes as presenter, Jo Brand, began to look ever more nervous from the sidelines. But Hynes continued: "I love television. I love it. I love television. From the age of six months, my mother sat me in front of the test card, she did. She was a bad mother. I love television, I love it and everyone goes on about film. They are like 'films' – fuck film. Fuck films. Oh 'I make a film, I make a film' – fuck them. 'I make a film, my God, I make a fucking film' – who gives a fucking shit? I couldn't give a shit. I don't give a fucking shit. I don't give a shit. Television is my fucking heart. It is my fucking heart. I love it. I love it." We think she loves it.
Added interest
Hynes' "fuck film" became a recurring theme of the night, with other award winners using it. Collecting the prize for best entertainment performance for the 12th, yes 12th, series of I'm a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here, Declan Donnelly said: "We did a film, Alien Autopsy. But fuck film. Jessica, you know what I'm talking about. I'll see you in the bar." Monkey did in fact see Jessica later in the bar, along with her co-star Hugh Bonneville, who was asking the star of Channel 4's Bank of Dave, Dave Fishwick, about his interest accounts. Dave told him there's a waiting list to join. "Nobody jumps the queue ahead of anyone else," Dave told Monkey. Quite right too.
Colman's speech is mustard
A close runner-up for best speech was new national treasure Broadchurch star, Olivia Colman, who won best female actor. She asked the audience if she could tell them "something embarrassing" about her husband: "When the Olympics were on screen a minute ago and there was the picture of Mo Farah, he went: 'It's Mo Mowlam'!" Taxi for Colman.
Bean there, not done that
Not often hard-nosed television executives go "aaah" at a speech at the RTS awards. But there were two outbursts of sentimentality this year. The first was when sports legend Dave Gordon won the lifetime achievement gong and said: "I can die a happy man." The second was when a humble Sean Bean won best actor and said: "I've never won anything before." Monkey swears there was barely a dry eye in the house. |
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